All right, next week is the midseason finale. Didn’t know that? Neither did I. Probably because it’s being marketed as the “Big -A Reveal” instead of the usual “only six episodes left ‘til the midseason finale.”

The episode begins with the girls trying to determine why the number on Varjak’s receipt is the same number in the newspaper ads where an unknown person was speaking to Ali. I don’t know HOW in the world Spencer made the connection to these ads. I also don’t know what any of it means but at this point, I care nothing about Varjak. But since I didn’t write a recap for the past couple episodes I just want to bring up when Aria and Emily went to see Cyrus in the burn unit. Ok, they thought he wrote carjack on the sheet of paper they handed him but suddenly Hanna realized it said Varjak because the “V” apparently looked like a “C”. I have to say I laughed hysterically at this. I think they’re just pulling plotline out of the air at this point. Couldn’t he have just written Varjak and saved the show like a 5 minute conversation about how it wasn’t carjack? I’m still laughing as I write this. But whatever.

Spencer puts the newspaper ads away when her mother enters the room and tells the three Liars (the ones who aren’t in prison yet) that they probably, definitely, 100% shouldn’t go to Ali’s trial since it will look bad on all of them. Of course, this is a mere request for Aria and Emily but a demand for Spencer. But as usual, they don’t listen to the rich, successful lawyer who couldn’t possibly have any reason to hurt them since all she’s done is help them for 5 seasons. But whatever. At first just Aria and Em go, but eventually Spencer joins them, defying her mother and leading to a Hastings blowup.

At the trial, things get MESSY. To sum it up, the prosecutor (the guy trying to send Ali to prison) knows a lot about the Liars including that Ali’s kidnapping story was false. *Courtroom gasps*. However, he doesn’t get it all correct, as he says that the Liars didn’t know Ali’s story was fake. Aria later theorizes that he knows all about New York and maybe other things if he got Cyrus to talk. In the next day of the trial, a SUPER bitter Jason takes the stand. The prosecutor asks him several questions about Ashley Marin until he finally gets to his point and suggests that they’re in a relationship and that Ashley asked him to lie to protect Hanna. Jason says that what happened between them was private with a capital PRIVATE. Look, I know lying on the stand is really bad, but c’mon, his sister is facing LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE here. He could’ve at least made it sound better. All he had to say was nothing is currently happening between him and Ashley but make the “currently” part less obvious. C’mon Jason, you’re a DiLaurentis, you’re better than this.

After the trial, Ashely is stunned and pretty upset. She ends up telling Pastor Ted that he needs to break up with her. Ted clearly doesn’t want to, but the two have a very calm, amiable break up anyway.

Then the Liars go to Mona’s house, thinking that she must’ve left more clues for them like the hidden tape in the book spine. Ms. Vanderwaal isn’t home- I’m a little worried about that- and the Liars decide to come back another time. As they’re walking away, they hear French music coming from Mona’s room and they all rush inside. The French music has been played several times during the episode by Varjak who calls the Liars and only plays the song. One of the Liars attributes it to singer Edith Pilaf who, interestingly enough, had a song called No Regrets that played in the season 4 finale as Cee Cee boards a plane. By the way WHERE IS CEE CEE? Anyway, the Liars get to Mona’s room and find it trashed with an –A note that says “finders keepers” or something. Then, Aria says that –A is bluffing; that –A didn’t find anything, but wants them to think she did so they won’t look. For some reason the Liars find a hidden message right away under the glass of Mona’s mirror. The message says:

“Chandelier’s rituals.

Sister launched lair.

A ruler’s list changed.”

Now, at first I thought it was that game Mona plays where the first letter of each word spells another word. But I don’t think these letters- CRSLLARLC- form any sort of word in any language. However, WetPaint.com realized that each line is an anagram for Charlie DiLaurentis. Meaning that if you rearranged the words in one of those lines, you’d get Charlie DiLaurentis. So who is Charlie DiLaurentis you ask? I have no clue. It’s not Ali’s father, but maybe this will help fans bring back the twin theory. Whether it’s Jason’s twin or even Ali’s, since Charlie is a gender neutral name.

While the Liars are in the Vanderwaal home, Andrew, who has gotten progressively creepier for whatever reason, is standing outside. As the Liars leave, the camera pans on a broken window, and a screwdriver that says Boo Boo’s Ice Cream. That’s the ice cream factory the Liars broke into. You know, just in case you were getting it mixed up with another ice cream factory.

The girls head to The Brew with their new clue- that rhymed- and Andrew meets up with Aria there. He doesn’t say a thing about her breaking into Mona’s house, but does apologize for what he said earlier about the world being better off without Mona. Yeah, he actually said that. He says he could tell Aria was offended by it (AS SHE SHOULD BE) and that it just came out wrong and he didn’t mean it. Aria tries to downplay it, saying that she wasn’t really upset, and that her face just sometimes does weird things. Um what? Anyway, Andrew kisses Aria, and she seems totally surprised while at the same time wanting to yell “get off me.” After Andrew leaves, Aria seems happy about it though.

So meanwhile, Hanna’s getting visits in jail from Caleb and her mom and Pastor Ted. Both encounters are upsetting and will get you choked up. She tells Caleb (and presumably the rest of the Liars) to get out while they still can and get somewhere safe where they can’t be found. She tells her mom that nothing that happened with Jason is her fault and Ashley replies “do you even know how much I love you?” Meanwhile, Ali is telling Jason the same thing Hanna told Caleb in the next cellblock over. I’m not sure why they have the sudden urge to tell everyone to get out. That’s like the whole town’s crime scene right there. I think the town would notice if they all disappeared. But whatever.

In the end, the –A shot is not that revealing. We see –A shredding a social security card and papers belonging to “Paul Varjak” which doesn’t necessarily mean Varjak is –A, but probably does. Either way, if Varjak is –A (and even if he’s not) it isn’t a new character, it’s a false name for a character we already know, since the PLL director has said that we know the character that doubles as –A. Anyway, -A or Varjak or whoever, takes the shredded paper and puts it at the bottom of a birdcage. It turns out that the birdcage belongs to TIPPI THE BIRD. THAT WOULD BE SUPER AWESOME AND PROBABLY A CLUE IF I KNEW WHO OWNED TIPPI AND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF HER. But alas, that was a while ago and I have no memory of what even happened to Tippi after Spencer was done with her. But whatever.

As always, if you have any –A theories, leave them in the comments below. Better get them out now before they reveal –A next episode. Also, if you know what happened to Cee Cee or Tippi or remember why the phone number Tippi whistled was significant, comment below.

Article by V. Shircliffe