“What if this spider bite thing got out of control and we had to evacuate the school and move to Maryland!”

“No offense, but you look like a coconut.”

“This is what sweet tea is supposed to sound like: diabetes.”

“If Kanye West runs for president and wins in 2020, then runs again in 2024…

it would be the second coming of Yeezus.”

“We need to get rid of irritating teenage boys.”

“Breathing oxygen…it’s like breathing plant poop.”

“I’m trying to avoid banana spread and peanut butter because it constipates you and I already have trouble pooping.”

“I don’t know, but it smells like hot dogs.”